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Review

“Everyone has scars … If we’re lucky, they’re only on the outside.”

5 shining stars

OMG, I loved this book!!! It’s a beautiful, heart-wrenching, emotionally intense and slightly edgy story of two people who have been broken by events in their past, but who find something very special together while desperately searching for a way forward.

Tenley has recently moved to Chicago. She is all alone following a horrific trauma that saw her lose everybody and everything that she cared about and which left her scarred – inside and out, but she is trying to move on with her life, teaching, and undertaking her Master’s degree while working part time in an antiques store.

Hayden is tattooed, pierced and “a raging inferno of hotness”. He also has trauma in his past, but his is more distant, and directed him down a dark path that still haunts him to this day. He runs a tattoo shop with close friends, but he still feels broken and alone, and lives life on his own terms while fighting to keep his head above water.

Tenley and Hayden both live above their workplaces, which conveniently happen to be across the street from each other, so they see each other frequently. From the very first moment, they are entranced with each other, and make it a habit to watch each other, all the while growing more and more attracted.

“You don’t usually work Mondays, do you? …”
I grinned. She knew I didn’t work on Monday. That meant she was aware of my schedule. Nice. We were both creepers.

The whole story centres around Tenley wanting a tattoo, and she wants Hayden to do it. She has designed her tattoo as a representation of the pain and guilt that she feels over her past, and it is incredibly important to her. I really like the way that this became such important part of the story, and the focus of how the physical pain of the tattoo will release the emotion that she has been keeping inside. It’s built up really well so that by the time she was actually in that chair, I was on the edge of mine and bristling with anticipation.

I imagined the tattoo would be infinitely more purifying, an etching of pain into skin; a release for the agony I carried with me.

And it’s all tied in brilliantly to the development of the love story. I loved watching Tenley and Hayden together. They wanted each other, but Tenley is shy and terrified of getting involved, and Hayden can see that so he doesn’t push too hard. So they watch each other from afar, lusting madly for each other, and each little glance, each seemingly innocent encounter and conversation is just dripping with sexual tension. And I, like the two of them, revelled in it! It builds brilliantly as they long for each other until they can’t hold back any more and their coming together is explosive! The sexy time is absolutely not only steaming hot, but it’s also incredibly emotive and it forms an important part of them expressing themselves.

I was petrified of what he made me feel. After having no one for so long, the possibility of filling the emptiness was almost unimaginable.

The progression of the relationship between Tenley and Hayden is so natural. They tease and banter, and they are absolutely accepting of each other and all of their scars. There is an added dynamic because Hayden is not supposed to sleep with clients, but their desperate need for each other overrules everything and neither of them are prepared to let rules get in the way. And despite their fears, neither of them hold back from what they want with each other.

I hadn’t considered the possibility that I might find someone who would understand what I had endured and want me anyway, even though I wasn’t whole.

The trauma of their pasts is incredibly extreme, and not sort of thing that people would usually have to deal with, so of course it affects everything else in their lives. They have both been destroyed by grief and guilt, and as close as they become, they are terrified of opening up to each other and revealing the ugliness of their pasts and the guilt that they are living with, but neither are they prepared to let go.

“I can’t change it. It’s part of who I was. Past tense. All I know is that I want you, all the fucking time, every day, endlessly. I don’t know how to deal with that. I don’t know how to make sense of it without overwhelming you, and I don’t want to tell you anything that’s going to jeopardize it.”

This is a really intense relationship. I could feel the need that Tenley and Hayden had for each other, not only because of what they were gaining from the relationship, but also their desire to be there for each other and be exactly what the other person needs. But even though they find a measure of happiness together, and as much as they may trying to move on, the dramas of their past are not prepared to let them go.

I love these characters, and I absolutely love this book! The writing is beautiful, and it flows effortlessly. I was absorbed from the moment I picked it up. The book is written in dual POV and Helena Hunting does a great job of getting us to the heart of her characters. The subject matter of the book is quite dark, with Tenley and Hayden both in very dark places, but it doesn’t feel depressing. They have a lot to deal with, and both of them still have a long way to go before they can start to move on from their pasts, but what they find together is so incredibly special that the overall mood of the book is hopeful.

This is an emotionally intense read, but I loved every minute of it. The book ends on a cliffhanger, so thank God I waited until the next book – [book:Inked Armour|21170685] – is available. I’ll be diving right in.

I loved it – 5 stars.