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Review
“We are perfect, and we are impossible.”
4 stars
Straight up – I’m not usually a fan of overly angsty books, and I put off reading this book because of it, but I love Kate Stewart’s writing and I’ve been so curious about this one that I finally pulled up my big-girl panties and dove in. And wow, what a read!
I was immediately sucked in to this story. It’s intense, dramatic, shocking in places and so, so emotional. It centres around nurse and soldier, Katy Scott. Happily married and with an adorable 6 year old son, she is preparing to leave her family behind for a 12-month deployment to Iraq. She has her bestie by her side, and on her arrival in Bagdad she is quickly enfolded into a tight group of friends, and though she misses home she is proud of the work she is doing for her country.
But a few months into her deployment she is on a routine aid mission when all hell breaks loose and she ends up kidnapped by the enemy and locked into a bunker with fellow solider, Briggs. Briggs is a career soldier and a total player who has been flirting with her since the day she arrived on base, and she isn’t immune to his handsomeness and charm. But now they are forced to lean on each other in order to survive. They become each other’s rocks, sanity and solace as they endure the unimaginable, and it’s going to leave them forever changed.
I am two different women, living in two separate worlds, in love with two different soldiers.
The story is told from multiple POVs. There is Katy, of course, and Briggs, but also Gavin, Katy’s husband at home. He is a Captain in the military himself, and his experience while Katy is missing is just as gutwrenching as he imagines the worst.
Things get really angsty when Katy and Briggs are rescued and return home. They have survived hell, and they have come home scarred both physical and emotionally. Katy, in particular, is no longer the woman she was when she left for deployment, and her struggle to fit back into her family and overcome her trauma is absolutely heartbreaking. What’s worse, though, is that Katy and Briggs’ feelings for each other changed through all that they went through, creating a heartbreaking situation as all three of them try to readjust and find their places in the aftermath.
“Love is supposed to be enough. It’s not supposed to rip you to fucking shreds.”
I will say outright that I usually avoid love triangles. It’s unnecessary angst and drama, and I usually end up getting royally pissed off with whoever is the in the middle, and if it doesn’t go the way I want it to, I finish the book feeling immensely unsatisfied and usually a bit pissy. So while the writing in this book is definitely 5-star, the story itself wasn’t a fave, and yes, I found myself getting annoyed, but there was so much about this story that balances out the love triangle issue.
The biggest factor is, of course, the traumatic and completely unforeseen situation that these characters found themselves in. It’s not something that you can imagine living through, and there’s no way you can predict how enduring something like that will change you so fundamentally, let alone the bonds that are formed by living through it with somebody. It’s definitely not for me to judge a person’s behaviour after coming out of something like that, and that’s probably why I was able to cope with all of the angst of the devastating fallout.
“You were destined to be a part of my life. You’ve changed me. No matter where this journey takes us, when I close my eyes, it will be your face I see. When I breathe my last breath, your name will be on my lips.”
The writing is sensational. It’s seamless between the two authors, there is so much emotion, I could feel for each of the three characters, and the fact that I could put myself into the shoes of each of them and empathise with each of them shows just how well they wrote them and I did come to care for them all – though again, probably the two guys more than Katy herself. And OMG, it hurt!!
“I’m not watching you do it again. I can survive being a soldier, I can survive another war, but it seems I can’t survive loving you. If I have to let you go, you have to let me go too.” He leans in on a whisper. “I love you, Katy, let me go.”
Triggers – hell yes. The events of Katy and Briggs’ captivity is there in all of its horrifying detail and it’s not an easy read violence, torture, rape and a pretty brutal execution. And the cheating – again, yes Katy kisses Briggs before she goes home, and later on they have sex – and she is still married to Gavin . All of this is to be expected in a book like this, and I thought it was all handled really well. Particularly as the cheating is not done in secret, they’re all aware of what’s going on between them all, there’s no plotting or subterfuge, it all just unfolds in a big mess with all of the emotions out on the table for them to deal with, and I did appreciate that part of it.
Inside my chest beats a heart hanging on only for her.
No matter what your thoughts are on reading through this book, it’s not a completely happy ending because somebody that you have come to care for deeply ends up getting hurt, and that’s always hard. But the epilogue is gorgeous and provides the HEA that I was so desperate for.
So yeah. I loved this book, and at the same time I didn’t. That’s totally on me though and my reading preferences. If you’re a fan of triangles or angst, then this is absolutely the book for you because the writing and emotion are just stunning, and it’s a beautifully told story.
I listened to this as an audiobook narrated by Tracy Marks and Aaron Shedlock, and they did a fantastic job with it. Definitely one worth listening to.
4 stars.