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Review

4.5 stunningly angsty stars

Wow, what a story! An intense, angst-filled romance that is painful and heartbreaking, but also sweet, sexy and gorgeously romantic, and OMG the feeeeeels!!!!! It made me laugh, cry, rage and swoon and I was captivated from start to finish as I rode the rollercoaster that is this tumultuous yet beautiful love story.

Kate and Shane have a long and complex history. Her family fostered him as a teenager, and the two of them became great friends, though Kate always wanted more. But when she bought her best friend, Rachel home to visit, all hopes of anything happening between her and Shane fell apart when he hooked up with and eventually married her best friend.

Instead of being bitter, Kate remained a part of their lives, uprooting her own life to move to San Diego to help Rachel out with her and Shane’s kids while he was overseas on deployment. She and Shane had very little to do with each other over the years, with him either away or pretty much ignoring her. But both of their lives are turned upside down when Rachel is tragically killed while pregnant with her and Shane’s fourth child.

Kate is there like she always has been, helping to raise the kids and keep the family together, all while having very little to do with Shane. Until the one year anniversary or Rachel’s death, where their shared grief, and a whole lot of alcohol, unleashes years of pent-up chemistry and they share one amazing night together.

Angry and confused over his feelings, Shane again pushes Kate away, but with his next deployment imminent, he needs her. And so, as they wade through the emotion and bucketloads of angst that surrounds them, Kate moves into his house and pretty much become a single parent to Shane’s four children while he is away.

Though phone calls, skype calls and emails, they get to know each other again. Sharing their lives and talking like they haven’t for years. But their situation is a difficult one, and Shane’s homecoming will stir everything up in a way that neither of them ever saw coming.

I’d pushed her aside for so long that there was no foundation to build on. Just a mess of shattered pieces that I’d crushed with a sledgehammer every time she’d grown closer than I was comfortable with.

There is so much depth to this story and I’m not going to go into any more detail than I already have because you just need to read it and experience it all as it unfolds, but OMG, this is a powerful story! I devoured every single word and I felt everything! Each little moment is so incredibly heart-felt and meaningful, I cherished the happy, I swooned at the sweetness and my heart broke over and over again.

Shane is a wonderfully complex character. He is angry, hurt and confused, and that causes him to lash out, and some of his behaviour is downright despicable! He is a passionate but flawed man who can be a right asshole – cruel with his words and his actions, and there’s one particular scene in this book just about ripped my heart out, and I wondered whether Kate (and I) would ever be able to forgive him.

“I don’t need you to save me. I never needed you to fucking save me”

But Kate pretty much rocked my world. She is such a hard position, but her strength just blew me away. Yes, she puts up with a lot from Shane, but she never comes across as being a doormat. She has a huge heart, and her priorities are clear, and I love that she has the strength to stand up for herself and do what she thinks is right, and she doesn’t back down from that no matter how much it hurts.

“I cared for children that I loved more than myself, gave up the small semblance of a life I’d had before, and became a stand-in. And I didn’t regret. Not for a second.”

The theme of family and children is strong, and there’s a lot of detail given with what’s going on with the kids, and Kate and Shane’s relationship with the kids, and with each other as carers for the kids, and I thought it was so realistic. The good, the bad, the ugly, and the hilarious, it’s life with kids in every sense, and I thought it was really well done.

Kate and Shane go through so much in this book and their individual journeys are beautifully explored, but primarily this is a love story. It’s complicated and messy, an emotional, angst-filled rollercoaster, but it’s beautiful and I devoured every moment of it.

“Sometimes I think I would have always found my way back to you.”

I loved it. 4.5 stars.

An Advanced Review Copy was generously provided by the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

 

Fostering Love series

 

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Excerpt (have tissues!)

I don’t remember the drive to the hospital or even where I parked that afternoon. I can’t recall what the nurse looked like as she searched for Rachel’s name in their computer system or the walk toward the room where I waited for someone to speak to me.

The first thing I remember clearly is the white-haired doctor’s kind face as he sat down across from me, and the young chaplain’s small smile as he chose the chair to my left. Their words became a litany that I would hear in my dreams for years.

My Rachel was gone, but her son was alive and in the NICU.

“Is there anyone you’d like for us to call? Any family or friends that you’d like to be here?”

The question jolted me out of the fog that seemed to be getting thicker and thicker around me. Dear God.

“I’ll make the calls,” I answered, looking blankly at the wall. “Can I have some privacy please?”

“Of course. I’ll be right outside if you need me,” the chaplain answered, reaching out to pat my hand. “I’ll take you up to the NICU when you’re ready.”

The room was silent after they left, and I fought the urge to scream at the top of my lungs just to hear it echo around me. I understood then why people hired mourners to wail at funerals.  Sometimes the lack of sound is more painful than the anguished noise of a heart breaking.

My hands shook as I pulled my phone out of my front pocket and rested it on the table in front of me.

It only took a moment before the sound of ringing filled the room, and I rested my head in my hands as I stared at the name across the screen.

“Hello? Kate? What’s wrong?”

“Shane—” I said quietly, my voice hitching.

“What? Why are you calling me?” His voice was confused, but I could hear a small thread of panic in the urgency of his words.

“I need you to come to Tri-City Hospital,” I answered, tears rolling down my face and landing on the glass screen of my phone, distorting the letters and numbers.

“Who?” His voice was frantic, and I could hear him moving around, his breathing heavy.

“Rachel was in an accident.” I sobbed, covering my face to try and muffle the noise.

“No,” he argued desperately, as I heard two car doors shut almost simultaneously. “Is she okay?”

I shook my head, trying to catch my breath.

“Kate! Is she okay?” He screamed at me, his anguished voice filling the room as I’d wanted mine to just minutes before.

“No,” I answered through gritted teeth, feeling snot running down my upper lip as I heard him make a noise deep in his throat. “She’s gone.”

He didn’t say a word, and less than a second later, the connection was broken.

I rubbed at my forehead, trying to convince myself that it was all just a nightmare. Where was I supposed to be? What was I supposed to do now? My best friend in the entire world was there in that hospital, but not really. I couldn’t bear to see her. I couldn’t help her. Where the fuck was I supposed to go?

I made my way to the NICU as quickly as I could, and within minutes, I was holding my new nephew in my arms. The nurses told me that he’d passed all of his tests with flying colors, and I was in awe as I sat down in a rocking chair, cradling him to my chest.

“You sure got a shitty beginning, little man,” I murmured against his fuzzy scalp, rocking back and forth gently. “I’m so sorry, buddy. You’re probably missing your mama and that warm bubble you’ve been in for so long. I can’t help you there.”

I sniffled, closing my eyes as tears rolled down my cheeks. My whole body ached, and even though I had that little boy in my arms, the whole day seemed like some sort of surreal dream, foggy in some parts and crystal clear in others. I wanted to hop up and take his sleeping, little form to Rachel, to tease her about the weird Mohawk thing he was sporting and make joking comments about how men always seem to sleep through the hard parts of life. I wanted to see her smile proudly at the sturdy boy she’d produced and grumble that I was hogging him.

I wanted everything to be different.

I hummed softly with my eyes closed for a long time, holding the baby close to me. It was quiet where we sat, nothing breaking up the stillness of the room until I heard someone open the door.

“There he is,” the nurse murmured from the doorway.

My eyes popped open to see Shane’s ravaged face just feet from me. He looked like he was barely holding on. I swallowed hard as his red rimmed eyes took in his son carefully before rising to meet mine.

“Is he okay?” he asked thickly, searching my face. I’d never seen him so frightened.

“He’s perfect,” I answered, my voice throbbing with emotion. “The nurses said he’s a rock star.”

He nodded twice, reaching up to cover his mouth with his hand, but before he could say another word, he was stumbling and falling to his knees with an almost inaudible sob.

 

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